Stepdad's Thoughts

My thought and feelings.

Misconceptions of being a step-parent

Many of us, at least me, think that when we find the right person to fall in love with we have it made. If that person has children, either living with them or only part time, we think we have an instant family. For me that was not true.

At first it seemed that it might be true but as time has passed I have found that I am really the outsider. I have the responsibility to provide for my step-children in all ways but it ends there. I don’t have the bond that a parent would have. I tend to think respect toward the parent is priority but if that is not the way the kids were originally raised I can’t change that.

I thought that we would do things together, vacation, picnics, movie night, etc… Yes we have done some of these things but the joy I thought would be there is missing. I am sure some of the problem is mine; I have issue with kids not doing what they are told to do. I know they will forget at times, I know they will fight some things, but when that becomes the norm not the exception I begin to have issue with it. I draw the proverbial line in the sand and begin to put a stop to the norm.

But, as time progresses I have come to realize this thought of responsibility is wrong. Yes I will care for the needs of my step-kids; no one goes hungry or is in need of clothing, etc… but don’t expect me help in other ways. Yes, I have conditions that must be met if you want something from me and silly me has the audacity to think they are simple and easy;

  • Respect your parents (Mother and Father) and show it.
  • Follow the rules of the house
  • Do the chores your mother has given you.
  • Do them when she says.
  • Do what you mother tells you, no arguments.

I once thought that the kids would at least provide respect to me because I was the other adult in the house, their Mom’s husband, etc… Boy was I wrong. I have finally stopped pushing for any kind of respect from the kids toward me and have told them that. I also told them that they should respect their mother and father and that I would do everything I had to too make sure they at least showed respect toward them. If that means being the EVIL step-dad then so be it.

I will do what my wife asks of me to help her and to try to make her happy. Unfortunately the story book family dream I had does not exist and never will.

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April 27, 2010 - Posted by | Concerns, Kids, Parenting | , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

1 Comment »

  1. maybe you should try this

    http://www.steptogether.com/disengaging.html

    Comment by cassee01 | May 6, 2010 | Reply


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