Stepdad's Thoughts

My thought and feelings.

Old feelings

I’m not sure I have done the right thing by being tough on rules with my step-kids. I say that because I really didn’t/don’t get 100% agreement with my wife, their mother. We’ve been married for almost 6 years and we still seem to see things differently. Kids and rules, discipline, chores, etc… are things we did not discuss before getting married, and looking back we really should have. I am hard lined while my wife is more lenient.

I simply expect the rules to be followed, I can see forgetting or simply ignoring sometimes but when it becomes a regular thing I have a real problem. The typical answer in the afternoon, “I was tired” just doesn’t fly with me when their mother has told them to put the dishes up when they get home then do homework… three hours later neither is done. Then there is the pretty regular lying about things, primarily homework or the lack of or it’s all done, really bothers me. It bothers me to the point I don’t want to be there at times. We went through this with my stepdaughter now with my stepson, my step daughter is away at college now.

Respect; neither of the kids seem to be able to respect their mother. She tells them to do things and they just do their own thing; I see this as disrespect toward their mother. I don’t have respect from them and I have given up even worrying about ever getting it. I do get very angry at the lack of respect given to their mother and many times have made situations worse.

At 18 and 14 years old I would have thought they might show more regular obedience and respect toward their mother than they do.

Maybe the whole problem is me and this is kids just being kids. I simply don’t know. I know I was not like this toward my parents; I never had kids so I could be so far of base it is unreal. All I know is it all bothers me. I started writing to help me release the pent up feelings but lately I’ve been afraid to write for lack of the words to put down how I feel. I’m still not sure I have put down the right words now; I just felt like putting something down.

I guess I’ll continue playing with our dog and working at learning Hapkido, at least I have an idea of where I stand there.


February 8, 2011 - Posted by | Concerns, Kids, Parenting | , , , , , , , , , , , ,

1 Comment »

  1. I can relate to your situation. My husband has the same tolerance that you do when the kids(2 of them are his step-sons) are disrespectful to me. However,when the son we share together acts up he is completely different. Not sure if it’s becuase he is his bio father or that he’s 4 yrs. old. I do know that as a Mother, we have special bonds with each of our children, and BIG soft spots when it comes to them. I sometimes feel bad for the 2 older ones bc they went through an awful experience with the divorce. My parents have been together for 49 years, so I don’t know what it’s like to go through it as a child. I do think you are right to be angry when they disrepect their mother. You love her and it’s only right that you want her to have the respcet from her children she deserves. Also, don’t let it take a toll on your mariage. I can only imagine how hard it is to be a step-parent, and i give you, my husband, and any other man ALOT of credit for stepping up and taking on such a huge job. Keep your head up, hang in there, and talk to your wife and explain your feelings. Good Luck : )

    Comment by wtarrell | February 9, 2011 | Reply

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