Stepdad's Thoughts

My thought and feelings.

Why I feel cheated

Until I meet my wife and her two kids I never thought having kids was too important. I’m not sure how I came to that conclusion, if it was a conclusion at all or just a way to explain why I didn’t have kids with my first wife. The sad fact is that I do wish I had had the opportunity to raise children of my own. Not that I love my two step children any less I just think I would a more fulfilled life if had my own. I plan on continuing to learn from these two and hopefully share some of what I know as well if they are willing. I can only guess based on the feeling I have that a birth parent has the internal battle;  of how to teach their children right from wrong; of how to keep them safe from all the bad things in life; of how to keep their moral compass pointed in the right direction; and so much more…

You want to give them gifts of yourself that will help them to become good God fearing adults.

I lost much of this by not having children of my own. Yes I can provide some guidance but much of what my step son and daughter are today and will become has already been determined by their parents. I hope I will be able to instill some of me in them to add to the person they will become.

I say I was cheated because my first wife had an abortion shortly after we were married. From the time we found out she was pregnant she said she didn’t want to have kids. A discussion we never had before getting married, at a much too early age. At that time I really didn’t know what to do. I didn’t fight it, I quietly mourned. I guess over time that morning changed to I don’t want to have kids. I remember asking a few times if she would change her mind but usually got a sharp NO.

I was cheated. Abortion is wrong in my eyes and the eyes of God. The opportunity for me to share all of me, to have a walking part of me to watch and enjoy was taken from me a long time ago.

I will do my best to help the two kids I have the joy of being with now to become the best and strongest they can be. I hope that a small part of who I am will live on with them if in no other way than a memory of times we shared together.

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October 2, 2009 Posted by | Concerns, General, Kids, Parenting | , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment