Stepdad's Thoughts

My thought and feelings.

Tae Kwon Do as rehabilitation

I’m not one that likes to see re-posts but I found this very inspiring;

I received an email from ‘Everyday Health’ about how Tae Kwon Do helped to save a young teen. Below is the beginning of the article and the link to the entire story;

Breaking Through: How Tae Kwon Do Saved One Teen’s Brain

It was an otherwise normal day when 13-year-old Kassidy Brewer experienced a ruptured brain aneurysm that nearly killed her. This is the story of how her passion for martial arts — and an unrelenting family support system — brought her back to life.

By Sharon Tanenbaum

Click here for the full story;
Watch the videos associated with the story also. This is a very inspiring young lady.
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September 15, 2011 Posted by | Concerns, General, Kids, Parenting | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

It’s been a while

It’s been a month since I last made an entry. I’ve been busy and partly simply did not feel up to writing, not that I didn’t have thoughts to put down. Between work, spring Break and being sick I simply have been out of it.

Shoot I went back to Hapkido after missing almost all of March. This past tuesday was my first day back. We had a very hard workout and I actually could not complete it. I got so dizzy/winded, etc… that I had to sit out the last 10 minutes. My instructor even called my wife to come get and drive me home, the way I felt I really had no business driving. I attribute the problem to being sick then getting back into a VERY tough workout and ME pushing too hard. Last night’s workout was much better, I didn’t get dizzy and felt refreshed after the workout.

Spring Break – for the first time since we’ve been married we had a FAMILY spring break. We took the kids to visit family on the first Saturday of SB then on Sunday we drove to Arkansas. Unfortunately Monday was raining and felt like crap (sick). It did workout, everyone pretty much just wanted to vege so that is what happened. Tuesday we got moving and drove to the DUDE Ranch we planned to stay at. We did zip-lining, horse back riding, rope work, etc… one morning the owning actually grabbed several of us for a “Top Shot” competition. I won two out of three contests. My stepson really enjoyed the riding, I think he went on four rides and has asked to go there for summer camp. Our dog even made friends with a couple of cows.

That’s a quick update, I will try to put more thoughts down later.

April 1, 2011 Posted by | General | , , | Leave a comment

It never changes

Yesterday my stepson had homework to complete for school today. He was up by 1030, had breakfast, etc… I told him to leave the TV off and get the work done as his mother told him. As the day went on I realized he had the TV on… Not wanting to make things blow up I ask him if he remembered me telling him to leave the TV off… he did. I asked why it was on but got no answer… I was getting mad now but I kept my cool. I told my wife that there is no way I am going to have any say with her kids when it comes to following the rules/doing what they are told to do. it’s been a while since I have let the crap get to me and I was much better off when I just let it go. I am really tired of it.Hell he was up until 1am doing homework he could have completed much sooner.

Same damn story every day it seems… I really need to learn how to mind my own business and do what I like to do and to hell with everyone else. Oh well it’s not worth going on about… just needed to blow off some steam… no one really gives a s*** if I have an opinion.

February 14, 2011 Posted by | General | , , , , | Leave a comment

Old feelings

I’m not sure I have done the right thing by being tough on rules with my step-kids. I say that because I really didn’t/don’t get 100% agreement with my wife, their mother. We’ve been married for almost 6 years and we still seem to see things differently. Kids and rules, discipline, chores, etc… are things we did not discuss before getting married, and looking back we really should have. I am hard lined while my wife is more lenient.

I simply expect the rules to be followed, I can see forgetting or simply ignoring sometimes but when it becomes a regular thing I have a real problem. The typical answer in the afternoon, “I was tired” just doesn’t fly with me when their mother has told them to put the dishes up when they get home then do homework… three hours later neither is done. Then there is the pretty regular lying about things, primarily homework or the lack of or it’s all done, really bothers me. It bothers me to the point I don’t want to be there at times. We went through this with my stepdaughter now with my stepson, my step daughter is away at college now.

Respect; neither of the kids seem to be able to respect their mother. She tells them to do things and they just do their own thing; I see this as disrespect toward their mother. I don’t have respect from them and I have given up even worrying about ever getting it. I do get very angry at the lack of respect given to their mother and many times have made situations worse.

At 18 and 14 years old I would have thought they might show more regular obedience and respect toward their mother than they do.

Maybe the whole problem is me and this is kids just being kids. I simply don’t know. I know I was not like this toward my parents; I never had kids so I could be so far of base it is unreal. All I know is it all bothers me. I started writing to help me release the pent up feelings but lately I’ve been afraid to write for lack of the words to put down how I feel. I’m still not sure I have put down the right words now; I just felt like putting something down.

I guess I’ll continue playing with our dog and working at learning Hapkido, at least I have an idea of where I stand there.

February 8, 2011 Posted by | Concerns, Kids, Parenting | , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

First Deer

On Friday 26-Nov-2010 my stepson got his first deer. We had Thanksgiving lunch with my parents then headed to the family deer lease. We arrived right at dark and my cousin was there waiting for us. Friday morning we got up and headed to a stand near our east line. We first sat in a ladder stand and saw a bunch of nothing. At 930 we moved to a box stand right on the east line; we sat there for about an hour and saw nothing. By 1030 we were back in camp where I fixed us breakfast… My cousin was not there because he had to work a half day; fortunately he works about 45 minutes away from our property. After eating and my stepson taking a short nap… I had gone into another stand for a short time… we headed back to the stands. We chose a stand on what we call our small high line, it is a clear area that has three strands of power lines running through our property.

We arrived in the stand by 2pm and started the hunting/watching for movement. He was getting fidgety and talkative… I tried to keep him focused but also indulged him in his converation, trying to make it fun. At 4pm he asked if I was ready to go back to camp; I told him we needed to stay a little longer… it was tough because we were not seeing anything. Then at 415pm we saw a small doe coming out of the creek into the highline for a snack. He was up and ready to shoot… I told him that was a SMALL deer and that it would be a good idea to wait but that he was the shooter and it was his choice. He decided to hold off and wait for something bigger, a buck.

At 515p he got his wish. A nice 8 point, nice for a first deer, came out of the tree line. We both got hyped up… him getting his gun redirected and me trying make sure it met the 13″ spread requirement by state law. It was a good one so I told him to shoot twice before he finally did… he was VERY slow about his actions, not overly nervous as some get. He lined up the gun and made a clean shot.

We got out of the stand and began to search for the deer. We had some trouble since there was limited sign… it took about 20 minutes to find it, not a real problem since it ran down an old tram road.

My cousins showed up and we all celebrated. I’m not sure who was more proud my stepson or me. I think it’s me.

He was about useless the rest of the weekend… he told me one deer per weekend thus he did not do much hunting on Saturday or Sunday while I did. Fortunately my cousin already had his two deer so they spent time together while I hunted. NO I didn’t get anything but like I said my stepson did and that was the important part for me.

Sunday we spent 6 hours in the truck going home and dropping of the deer for processing and taking the antlers to a taxidermist to have a European mount made. I look forward to our next hunt, maybe he can get a spike and I can get a nice buck.

November 30, 2010 Posted by | General, Kids | , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Martial Arts & Football

A couple of days a go my wife had trouble getting my step son to get his shower done. He did what ever he could not to take teh shower… Once he did it was 10pm… He came down to turn the wifi router on which I had turned off because on of the things he was doing was watching videos via his iPod. I took that moment to tell him if he continued to NOT follow his mother directions I would disable wifi access to his iPod and XBox and make sure his Dad and grandparents knew exactly how disrespectful her has been toward his mother.

After he went to his room his mother went upstairs to check on him and tell him goodnight; she found him on his bed quite upset… He didn’t seem to understand why I had become upset with him, she tried to explain that his actions or inaction were the cause. She also found out that he was having trouble with some of the nick-names the kids and coaches at school had tagged him with. Some were OK while others bothered him. he and had a talk about the nick-names some time back and I tried to make him understand for starters they were just word and secondly if he were to joke about them also that they would stop the use of them. But if he continued to let the kids know the names bothered him that they would continue which is what I think happened.

Yesterday my wife told him of our conversation that I thought the martial arts could help him turn the one nick-name about him being slow completely around. During dinner he brought it up and I explained to him that the martial arts, Tae Kwon Do and Hap Ki Do, have explosive techniques. During training you learn to be quicker off the mark and faster. I continued to tell him that at 13 his body would soon start to mature and strengthen and that proper training during that time could help him to improve substantially. I did let him know that it is not a miracle fix, that it would 6 months to a year in order to see real strong results. He said he was interested, so he went with to watch my Hap Ki do work out last night.

Our workout was a moderate to hard workout for the first half, we worked on cardio and strength, the second half was technique, this really got his attention. I was working with a higher belt who was learning knife defense techniques. I was working on punching defense and counter techniques, this also intrigued him. After class we had casual conversation with my instructor who told him about some funny incidents with former students. On our drive home he told me him wanted to join the class. I want him to watch a few more classes and take part in one before he jumps off into it, to be very sure this is what he wants and will stick with it.

On the other side it should help instill a more respectful attitude toward others, especially his mother and father, may be even toward me. The instructors at my school are all Korean and believe very strongly in showing respect toward others and can actually get on the proverbial soapbox at times when talking to the kids about show their parents respect.

We’ll see how the next few days go and hopefully get him in Hap Ki Do.

October 22, 2010 Posted by | Concerns, Hap Ki Do, Kids, Parenting | , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Monday

I’ve been stewing over this one the last couple of days. Monday my stepson’s dad picked him up from school after football practice as is usual. On their ride to our house, my wife and I were not home from work yet, he tells his dad he was hit hard during practice and the coach wants him to get checked out for a possible concussion. His dad has something else he has to do and does not take him straight to the doctor… Am I nuts or should you take you child to the doctor for something like this? What is more important than your child’s well being? About 2 hours later my wife gets home, I get home 30 minutes after her, she tells me what has transpired. She takes him to the Urgent care facility near us and they check him out. Come to find out he might very well have a mild concussion. He is going for a full scan today, performed by his regular doctor, to make sure he is OK. Fortunately his only complaints are a few aches and a head ache; not the nausea, etc… that comes along with a back concussion.

October 20, 2010 Posted by | Concerns, Kids, Parenting | , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Look in my eyes

My stepson was a REAL ass last night to his mother. She went up stairs to make sure he was headed to bed; she found him sitting in the floor with the radio blaring, the TV on, lights on in three rooms. She told him it was time to go to bed and that he did not need to have everything on and loud. He looked at her and said, “look at these eyes, does it look like I care”. I was down stairs and heard this so I went up stairs, since he did not say it to me I was not going to get on him. I did say it was amazing how his poor attitude and disrespect can make everyone miserable in the house. I later told my wife that if he was my flesh and blood I would have put a good whipping to him, taken any number of his electronics away… ANYTHING to make it quite clear that was not acceptable. She was too tired, too beat down I think, to try to fight it. She said she would address it the next day, that’s today. I am of the opinion that things require immediate action for the punishment to really mean anything.

I had trouble falling a sleep last night because I was so pissed off over the shitty actions of the boy. He’s 13, you would think he would have a bit more sense.

He’s not my son, flesh and blood, so I am not going to take him the proverbial wood shed where he needs to go to get a KING SIZE whipping. I will how ever keep my distance and NOT take him hunting with me… Over reaction on my part? Maybe. But I tired of the crap, it makes life around the house tough.

If you want to act like an ass then I will treat you like one.

October 15, 2010 Posted by | Concerns, Kids, Parenting | , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Random Thoughts

It’s lunch time and I thought I would put down the various random thoughts I have.

Tomorrow is Sept. 11, 2010; the 9 year anniversary or memorial of the attacks by radical Muslims on the USA and its’ people. I believe for many that the attacks are just a distant memory, the solidarity that was created by the attacks has now left many Americans. I personally still feel the same sorrow for those lost now that I did then. I have come to love my country and its people more since that day. I worry more about the direction the government is taking us and feel lost as to what action I can take to correct the course.

We continue to hear the USA needs to be tolerant of others ie Muslims and their beliefs. What about ours?!!! Is there no taking into account that people were killed 9 years ago for some fucked up religious war the Muslims have laid on us. Yes, the USA has military in many places some I am sure we don’t need to be it but they are fighting others with guns. We are not randomly lining up civilians and killing them. Part of me wants the “EYE FOR AN EYE” justice to kick in so we, the USA, can kick ass.

Move the mosque! In the USA we have freedom of religion; that means the government will not and does not mandate a religion the people must follow. That’s a big part of why our ancestors came to America to begin with. I’ve heard there are some 200 mosques in New York already, don’t build one at ‘Ground Zero’. Move it several blocks away and all will be fine. The muslims scream for the Americans to be respectful and tolerant of their beliefs, where’s the respect from them toward us. This is America, if you don’t like it GET THE HELL OUT!

****

I’ve been trying to take my blog entries and convert them into a MS Word document, making a book of sorts. I have toyed with the idea of giving it to my wife and step kids, thinking that the might read it. I started writing for that very reason, I am positive they have not seen any of what I have written with the exception of one or two entries, the poems. Now I think it would simply be too big for them to be able to read due to lack of attention and in some cases lack of caring. I am pretty sure my wife would read it and would switch between being angry, sad, hurt, upset, etc… as she read what I’ve felt over the last year.

I have taken time to look over the entries and I see FAILURE. Failure on my part of being able to change enough to form much of a relationship with my step kids. I am too tough on following the rules and respecting your parents to make it work. I really have just given up. I am focusing more on my Hapkido and playing with our dog, at least I know where I stand on those. Hunting season starts in November, I am starting to focus on prep for that also.

Time to go; Work is calling.

September 10, 2010 Posted by | Books, Concerns, General, Random | , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Back to the usual

I’m back in the office after a week working in remote offices performing upgrades and after the Memorial Day weekend.

Once again I was able to open my mouth and prove I am able to create problems in the house. Yard work; I was told by my stepson that he was going to mow the yard on Saturday after he played paintball with his friends which I was fine with. Once he got home he was then too hot and sweaty to do the yard but he would do it in the morning. I too was OK with that but told him he needed to have it done by 1200 since we had planned a visit to my parents house to take them to dinner. By 900am no yard work was being done. So I did it. Once I finished I came in to see my step son sitting in front of the TV eating cereal, it’s just after 1200. He said he was sorry he didn’t get up to do the yard, I responded by telling him I was sadly getting used to him not keeping his word. Later as we were getting ready to go the yard topic came up again… he gave me some reason for not doing the work, I informed him that he always had an excuse for not doing what he said he was going to do. That set off the fireworks. he then decided he was not going to go… his Mom wanted me to apologize so he would go, I refused since I was telling the truth as to what happens. I did apologized for the fact that he was upset by my words but they were true and I would not apologize for them. As I told her he was mad because he was called on his lack following through his inability to keep his word. yeah I know he’s 13 but he should be able to do what he says… what is expected of him. Hell on Monday he asked to use his Mom’s laptop; she told him yes as long as he got dressed for the day. Two hours later he comes down stairs… NOT dressed. I brought it to his and his Mom’s attention. You would have thought I shot someone… I got a load of crap about “sorry I’m not perfect”… WHAT DOES BEING PERFECT HAVE TO DO WITH GETTING DRESSED AS YOUR MOM SAID??!! His mom said nothing to him, I was PISSED OFF. I kept my mouth shut, I realize I expect too much.

Friday night I was informed by my wife that her daughter told her she thinks I don’t like her. I told wife she was close to being correct. I told my wife I did not like the person her daughter was around the house. She is very self-centered, selfish, disrespectful toward her mother. So I headed upstairs to talk with my step-daughter. As I began to talk I started things of as I said to her mother. My stepdaughter seemed to take what I said to heart. I told her she had been; very self-centered, selfish, disrespectful toward her mother. Thus I reacted by keeping my distance from her. I told her I did not want to be around someone that treated their mother so poorly. I also told her that I thought she had good qualities or she wouldn’t have the number of friends that she has. She agreed with me. I let here know I was hurt by hearing her mother talk about how she has been cut out of her daughters life. Prom came and went and her mother was not asked to be involved and when she did try was cut off. That and other things I told her make me not want to be around her.I told her I know I am hard to live with but I see things real simple and have trouble understanding why they, her and her brother, can’t follow my list;

  • Respect you Mother
  • Follow you Mothers rules *simple things like bedtime, do the dishes, etc…*
  • Do what your Mother says or asks

(I quite frankly EXPECT these to be done.)

I think my step-daughter understood what I was saying; later that night before she headed to bed her mom and both got good night hugs and prior to hat she actually sat and talked with us a bit. It was nice to see the change, I hope it continues. Yes there are still issues and one night is not a show that all is solved but it is a move the right direction.

Right now my step-son is on my out list. He was asking me to take him to play paintball, help him and friends start their summer workout, etc… I will not do it. I have my conditions until they are met regularly his mom or dad can deal with him.

June 1, 2010 Posted by | Concerns, Kids, Parenting | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment