Stepdad's Thoughts

My thought and feelings.

Old feelings

I’m not sure I have done the right thing by being tough on rules with my step-kids. I say that because I really didn’t/don’t get 100% agreement with my wife, their mother. We’ve been married for almost 6 years and we still seem to see things differently. Kids and rules, discipline, chores, etc… are things we did not discuss before getting married, and looking back we really should have. I am hard lined while my wife is more lenient.

I simply expect the rules to be followed, I can see forgetting or simply ignoring sometimes but when it becomes a regular thing I have a real problem. The typical answer in the afternoon, “I was tired” just doesn’t fly with me when their mother has told them to put the dishes up when they get home then do homework… three hours later neither is done. Then there is the pretty regular lying about things, primarily homework or the lack of or it’s all done, really bothers me. It bothers me to the point I don’t want to be there at times. We went through this with my stepdaughter now with my stepson, my step daughter is away at college now.

Respect; neither of the kids seem to be able to respect their mother. She tells them to do things and they just do their own thing; I see this as disrespect toward their mother. I don’t have respect from them and I have given up even worrying about ever getting it. I do get very angry at the lack of respect given to their mother and many times have made situations worse.

At 18 and 14 years old I would have thought they might show more regular obedience and respect toward their mother than they do.

Maybe the whole problem is me and this is kids just being kids. I simply don’t know. I know I was not like this toward my parents; I never had kids so I could be so far of base it is unreal. All I know is it all bothers me. I started writing to help me release the pent up feelings but lately I’ve been afraid to write for lack of the words to put down how I feel. I’m still not sure I have put down the right words now; I just felt like putting something down.

I guess I’ll continue playing with our dog and working at learning Hapkido, at least I have an idea of where I stand there.

February 8, 2011 Posted by | Concerns, Kids, Parenting | , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Bear – update 4

Bear spent the day at a specialists office to have an endoscopy performed in hopes of finding the reason he is not keeping food down. Everything looked fine was the report from the vet, so we are still in the dark as to what is going on. It’s been about an hour since we fed him a small portion of rice and chicken (minced) with chicken broth. Our hopes are he will keep it down. The medicine he was taking has been changed, thinking that may have been the cause.

A bird mocking bird just made a squawking sound and that sure perked him up. He was ready to get what ever it was.

His energy level really hasn’t been impacted too hard… that’s not true. His energy level is high for a short period then he has to rest a bit then it is back. After not really eating for 2+ days it is quite remarkable to me.

He is a tough guy and I sure hope he mends soon so we can get back to our nightly walks and all his other activities, seeing like this is really tough. I want him to get back to his normal self.

April 22, 2010 Posted by | Concerns, General | , , , , | Leave a comment

Bear – Update 3

Bear, our poodle/Shih-Tzu mix, is still on the mend from the injury to his left eye. It had been a constant chore to make sure he gets his pills and eye drops on the scheduled intervals. I’m not saying it’s a problem, it just changes our priority list. Bear is first… he has now started having trouble keeping food down, this started Sunday. We have taken him to the Vet several times trying to find the cause. We gave him a beef bone on Saturday night and think that my be the cause but no one is sure yet. He went all day on Monday without eating, per the vets recommendation due the meds he was on. Tuesday I was able to give him small portions of rice and chicken broth, as the day progressed we gave him more and more frequently, Tuesday night he started the throw up again.

Bear sleeping on his pillow.

Today, my wife is taking him to the Vet again to do blood work. We hope something can be found to help find a solution to his problem. You can tell the little guy is not his usual king of the house/yard self. And, it is really upsetting us. We feel at fault for the problems he currently has, we are second guessing all our actions.

April 21, 2010 Posted by | Concerns, General | , , , , , | Leave a comment

Bear is injured

Saturday began as a good day. We, my wife, step-son, our dog Bear and I, headed to Fort Worth to attend a wedding. The drive was the typical are we there yet, I need to use the bathroom, etc… Once we arrived in FW we said our hellos and then sat outside to enjoy the day. My wife’s brother has two dogs, a Golden Retriever and a Sheppard mix. Our dog Bear is a Shi Tzu Poodle mix. Long story shortened the GR was playing with a stick and Bear eventually wanted to play with it. When the stick was put down he picked it up. Then the GR decided he wanted it back… Bear being the BIG little dog didn’t take kindly to that. When the GR started to get it Bear started to growl… Then everything went into hyper speed… We think the GR stepped on Bear because the next thing we heard was Bear crying out terribly. His left eye had been knocked out of socket. I quickly grabbed him up and headed to the car while my wife, brother and sister-in-law started to search for the closest Emergency Vet. After about 45 minutes one was found about 30 minutes away; we rushed Bear to the Vet.

Once there we got him checked in… The vet came to talk with us giving us all the bad things that could happen; simply put Bear may lose sight in his left eye and worse case the right eye could be impacted also. In my usual short fashion simply asked when she was going to get started putting the eye back in place. We were told that initial blood work etc…had to be done and that she would be right back with an estimated cost. When she returned a few minutes later to go over the costs I again asked when will they get started… she looked at me and I informed her that I wasn’t concerned with the costs, I have the money and just want him treated as fast as possible.

It took almost two and a half hours from the time this all started to the time Bear was out of surgery. We still don’t know if he will lose his eye sight. Friday April 23 the stitches will be removed and we will start to know the impact of the injury. Our local vet said that most cases like this she has seen the dog will lose sight in the injured eye. I am trying very hard to remain positive, trying to put on a strong attitude for my wife, the kids don’t seem to be too affected by this other than a few “poor Bear” and other little comments. My wife and I are taking it the hardest. Like I said I am trying to show the strong positive side. I stayed home to tend to Bear on Monday, alone, I was able to let out my feelings… I cried like a baby holding Bear to me. I know it sounds silly but I am really attached to the little guy. We jokingly call him my shadow sometimes since he follows me around so much, I am his person. I can seldom leave a room without him following behind me, now he is hurt and I feel guilt over him getting hurt, I am supposed to be his protector.


Time will tell what the outcome will be. We will make sure the eye drops and pills are taken as needed to give Bear the best possible opportunity to heal and not lose his eye sight. Regardless the outcome he will always be my Bear, a part of our family.

April 13, 2010 Posted by | Concerns, General | , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Butting In

I am now butting in… I was told yesterday. My stepson was arguing with his mom over wearing a coat and why she washed his hoodie without asking him. He was getting loud and being quite rude and disrespectful to his mother. That is one thing I will not accept, I will get involved. He gets so damn arrogant I just want to take him out to the proverbial wood shed. He just doesn’t seem to learn that when things are dirty she is going to wash them, when he is given instructions he is to follow them.We went through a similar issue during the week over his homework.

I’ve just about had all I can take.

I typically dread going home at night.

January 11, 2010 Posted by | Concerns, Kids, Parenting | , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Why I feel cheated

Until I meet my wife and her two kids I never thought having kids was too important. I’m not sure how I came to that conclusion, if it was a conclusion at all or just a way to explain why I didn’t have kids with my first wife. The sad fact is that I do wish I had had the opportunity to raise children of my own. Not that I love my two step children any less I just think I would a more fulfilled life if had my own. I plan on continuing to learn from these two and hopefully share some of what I know as well if they are willing. I can only guess based on the feeling I have that a birth parent has the internal battle;  of how to teach their children right from wrong; of how to keep them safe from all the bad things in life; of how to keep their moral compass pointed in the right direction; and so much more…

You want to give them gifts of yourself that will help them to become good God fearing adults.

I lost much of this by not having children of my own. Yes I can provide some guidance but much of what my step son and daughter are today and will become has already been determined by their parents. I hope I will be able to instill some of me in them to add to the person they will become.

I say I was cheated because my first wife had an abortion shortly after we were married. From the time we found out she was pregnant she said she didn’t want to have kids. A discussion we never had before getting married, at a much too early age. At that time I really didn’t know what to do. I didn’t fight it, I quietly mourned. I guess over time that morning changed to I don’t want to have kids. I remember asking a few times if she would change her mind but usually got a sharp NO.

I was cheated. Abortion is wrong in my eyes and the eyes of God. The opportunity for me to share all of me, to have a walking part of me to watch and enjoy was taken from me a long time ago.

I will do my best to help the two kids I have the joy of being with now to become the best and strongest they can be. I hope that a small part of who I am will live on with them if in no other way than a memory of times we shared together.

October 2, 2009 Posted by | Concerns, General, Kids, Parenting | , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Children of another man

I never knew the joy of your birth
I never heard that first word
I never saw your first step
I never felt the joy of the first hug
I missed holding your little handdad-and-baby
I’ll never know the joy hearing daddy from your lips
I missed the earliest parts of your life

You are the children of another man
You have your dad who is a good man
I envy him in when I look at you
He was there in the beginning
He shared times in your life I will never know
He knows the feelings I desperately wish I had

I am trying to be a part of your life
I make mistakes as we know
I am learning as we go
I hope one day be closer
To be there as you grow
Keeping you safe from the trials of life
Knowing at times you must fall

I am here if you want me
I am here if you need me
My heart aches to keep you close
I hope you know I love you

I love you both and want nothing but the best for you and a chance to be there for you.

August 31, 2009 Posted by | General | , , , | Leave a comment