Stepdad's Thoughts

My thought and feelings.

It never changes

Yesterday my stepson had homework to complete for school today. He was up by 1030, had breakfast, etc… I told him to leave the TV off and get the work done as his mother told him. As the day went on I realized he had the TV on… Not wanting to make things blow up I ask him if he remembered me telling him to leave the TV off… he did. I asked why it was on but got no answer… I was getting mad now but I kept my cool. I told my wife that there is no way I am going to have any say with her kids when it comes to following the rules/doing what they are told to do. it’s been a while since I have let the crap get to me and I was much better off when I just let it go. I am really tired of it.Hell he was up until 1am doing homework he could have completed much sooner.

Same damn story every day it seems… I really need to learn how to mind my own business and do what I like to do and to hell with everyone else. Oh well it’s not worth going on about… just needed to blow off some steam… no one really gives a s*** if I have an opinion.

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February 14, 2011 Posted by | General | , , , , | Leave a comment

Old feelings

I’m not sure I have done the right thing by being tough on rules with my step-kids. I say that because I really didn’t/don’t get 100% agreement with my wife, their mother. We’ve been married for almost 6 years and we still seem to see things differently. Kids and rules, discipline, chores, etc… are things we did not discuss before getting married, and looking back we really should have. I am hard lined while my wife is more lenient.

I simply expect the rules to be followed, I can see forgetting or simply ignoring sometimes but when it becomes a regular thing I have a real problem. The typical answer in the afternoon, “I was tired” just doesn’t fly with me when their mother has told them to put the dishes up when they get home then do homework… three hours later neither is done. Then there is the pretty regular lying about things, primarily homework or the lack of or it’s all done, really bothers me. It bothers me to the point I don’t want to be there at times. We went through this with my stepdaughter now with my stepson, my step daughter is away at college now.

Respect; neither of the kids seem to be able to respect their mother. She tells them to do things and they just do their own thing; I see this as disrespect toward their mother. I don’t have respect from them and I have given up even worrying about ever getting it. I do get very angry at the lack of respect given to their mother and many times have made situations worse.

At 18 and 14 years old I would have thought they might show more regular obedience and respect toward their mother than they do.

Maybe the whole problem is me and this is kids just being kids. I simply don’t know. I know I was not like this toward my parents; I never had kids so I could be so far of base it is unreal. All I know is it all bothers me. I started writing to help me release the pent up feelings but lately I’ve been afraid to write for lack of the words to put down how I feel. I’m still not sure I have put down the right words now; I just felt like putting something down.

I guess I’ll continue playing with our dog and working at learning Hapkido, at least I have an idea of where I stand there.

February 8, 2011 Posted by | Concerns, Kids, Parenting | , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Paintball – Birthday

Saturday we are planning a paintball birthday party for my stepson; he will be 14. Originally I was hoping for 10+ people so we could have 2 hours of private play time. Unfortunately he took too long in getting the names we asked for so we are look at maybe 6 counting me. I really wish he had jumped on things, 2 hours of private play would have been a lot of fun.

I am hoping his Dad will join us also but it is not looking good.

He also wanted to feed his guest deer burgers and homemade fries… I am not sure if that will happen; time will tell…

He has his own PB gun and I am thinking about getting me a cheap one vs. taking a chance on the rental gun. I have an old PB gun that needs a lot of work, rings, valve, etc…

Tippmann Carver One or Spyder MR1 Sniper both cost around $100.

Either way I think this will be a good birthday for him, this is something he has wanted to do for a while but weather has stopped it each time. We have a good forecast this weekend so we are in.

December 14, 2010 Posted by | General, Parenting | , , , , | Leave a comment

First Deer

On Friday 26-Nov-2010 my stepson got his first deer. We had Thanksgiving lunch with my parents then headed to the family deer lease. We arrived right at dark and my cousin was there waiting for us. Friday morning we got up and headed to a stand near our east line. We first sat in a ladder stand and saw a bunch of nothing. At 930 we moved to a box stand right on the east line; we sat there for about an hour and saw nothing. By 1030 we were back in camp where I fixed us breakfast… My cousin was not there because he had to work a half day; fortunately he works about 45 minutes away from our property. After eating and my stepson taking a short nap… I had gone into another stand for a short time… we headed back to the stands. We chose a stand on what we call our small high line, it is a clear area that has three strands of power lines running through our property.

We arrived in the stand by 2pm and started the hunting/watching for movement. He was getting fidgety and talkative… I tried to keep him focused but also indulged him in his converation, trying to make it fun. At 4pm he asked if I was ready to go back to camp; I told him we needed to stay a little longer… it was tough because we were not seeing anything. Then at 415pm we saw a small doe coming out of the creek into the highline for a snack. He was up and ready to shoot… I told him that was a SMALL deer and that it would be a good idea to wait but that he was the shooter and it was his choice. He decided to hold off and wait for something bigger, a buck.

At 515p he got his wish. A nice 8 point, nice for a first deer, came out of the tree line. We both got hyped up… him getting his gun redirected and me trying make sure it met the 13″ spread requirement by state law. It was a good one so I told him to shoot twice before he finally did… he was VERY slow about his actions, not overly nervous as some get. He lined up the gun and made a clean shot.

We got out of the stand and began to search for the deer. We had some trouble since there was limited sign… it took about 20 minutes to find it, not a real problem since it ran down an old tram road.

My cousins showed up and we all celebrated. I’m not sure who was more proud my stepson or me. I think it’s me.

He was about useless the rest of the weekend… he told me one deer per weekend thus he did not do much hunting on Saturday or Sunday while I did. Fortunately my cousin already had his two deer so they spent time together while I hunted. NO I didn’t get anything but like I said my stepson did and that was the important part for me.

Sunday we spent 6 hours in the truck going home and dropping of the deer for processing and taking the antlers to a taxidermist to have a European mount made. I look forward to our next hunt, maybe he can get a spike and I can get a nice buck.

November 30, 2010 Posted by | General, Kids | , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Deer Season 2010 – The Family Lease

I’m back on the family deer lease this year and plan on staying there. I left the lease nearly 10 years ago when my grandfather stopped hunting then when he died I could not see myself ever going back. This year my uncle died and my thoughts changed. I missed my family, my hunting family – the male members I spent so much time with. Mostly my cousin, there are several but one in particular, Kenny, made the biggest impact on me. At his dad’s memorial he told me I needed to come back. We hugged and shared some tears. I later found out my mother was watching and she was crying also.  Any way I’m back!

Opening weekend was a lot of fun. We all shared laughs and even a tear or two. I was able to talk with my uncle, my grandfather’s last sibling, and Kenny. I explained why I had left and what brought me back; I think it made since to them.

Only 4 deer were killed on opening weekend but much fun was had. We ate great, laughed too much, spent a lot of time in the woods. I saw almost 30 deer in 4 days of hunting; I chose not to shoot a doe and the smaller deer I saw.

We all left for home and other places on Tuesday… I got home on Wednesday and began to prepare to take my stepson hunting when he got out of school on Friday.

My stepson was able to see 9 deer in the two days he hunted; even got a shot of at one but missed.  He was able to spend time with my uncle and cousin, seeing them at a time other than a funeral helped him to know them better. Unfortunately he did not grow up as I did with the opportunity to shoot guns much which makes me think he does not fully understand the process of lining up the sights, etc… I am taking him to the gun range this weekend to work on his shooting. He did have fun; he told me so without me asking.

He is now the designated shooter until he is able to get his first deer. He’s 13 and has not hunted much therefore we still sit in the stand together. I want to get him in the Hunter Safety course which he must have before he is able to legally hunt alone. He still hunts with me until I see he truly knows how to be safe with a gun and understands how to determine the right deer to shoot. I can hear the things my grandfather told me many years ago coming out of my mouth.

Of the time I have taken my stepson hunting this past weekend is the absolute best ever. I realized I need to have fun with him; it will make life better at the house. It will bring us closer together.  He’s asked to have his first deer mounted in a shoulder mount, I have agreed if; it’s a nice buck and I have the money to do it.

I am looking forward to more time in the woods, sharing our family traditions, talking of old times and making new memories.

November 17, 2010 Posted by | General, Parenting | , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Poem written by Stepson

I took my stepson hunting this past weekend; he had homework to write a poem. This is what he wrote, I think it’s really good;

 

My Place

It’s red and yellow in the fall.

Yet some are never bare for all.

My place takes away the bad emotion.

In the morning, the fog looks like a white ocean.

Beautiful as can be; In my place.

 

The gentle sound of the birds.

Matches with the silent steps of the animals.

The occasional snap of a twig.

Is swept away by the strong wind.

Quiet as can be; In my place.

 

In my place the moon shines bright.

With a backdrop of endless stars.

Not having to compete with the light of the city.

Long shadows cast across the ground in the night.

Dark as can be; In my place.

 

Blue gushing rivers flowing through the land.

The cold water flowing past my hand.

The sun creeping across the sky.

I hope my place and I never have to say goodbye.

Happy as can be; In my place.

November 16, 2010 Posted by | General, Kids | , , , , , | Leave a comment

Martial Arts & Football

A couple of days a go my wife had trouble getting my step son to get his shower done. He did what ever he could not to take teh shower… Once he did it was 10pm… He came down to turn the wifi router on which I had turned off because on of the things he was doing was watching videos via his iPod. I took that moment to tell him if he continued to NOT follow his mother directions I would disable wifi access to his iPod and XBox and make sure his Dad and grandparents knew exactly how disrespectful her has been toward his mother.

After he went to his room his mother went upstairs to check on him and tell him goodnight; she found him on his bed quite upset… He didn’t seem to understand why I had become upset with him, she tried to explain that his actions or inaction were the cause. She also found out that he was having trouble with some of the nick-names the kids and coaches at school had tagged him with. Some were OK while others bothered him. he and had a talk about the nick-names some time back and I tried to make him understand for starters they were just word and secondly if he were to joke about them also that they would stop the use of them. But if he continued to let the kids know the names bothered him that they would continue which is what I think happened.

Yesterday my wife told him of our conversation that I thought the martial arts could help him turn the one nick-name about him being slow completely around. During dinner he brought it up and I explained to him that the martial arts, Tae Kwon Do and Hap Ki Do, have explosive techniques. During training you learn to be quicker off the mark and faster. I continued to tell him that at 13 his body would soon start to mature and strengthen and that proper training during that time could help him to improve substantially. I did let him know that it is not a miracle fix, that it would 6 months to a year in order to see real strong results. He said he was interested, so he went with to watch my Hap Ki do work out last night.

Our workout was a moderate to hard workout for the first half, we worked on cardio and strength, the second half was technique, this really got his attention. I was working with a higher belt who was learning knife defense techniques. I was working on punching defense and counter techniques, this also intrigued him. After class we had casual conversation with my instructor who told him about some funny incidents with former students. On our drive home he told me him wanted to join the class. I want him to watch a few more classes and take part in one before he jumps off into it, to be very sure this is what he wants and will stick with it.

On the other side it should help instill a more respectful attitude toward others, especially his mother and father, may be even toward me. The instructors at my school are all Korean and believe very strongly in showing respect toward others and can actually get on the proverbial soapbox at times when talking to the kids about show their parents respect.

We’ll see how the next few days go and hopefully get him in Hap Ki Do.

October 22, 2010 Posted by | Concerns, Hap Ki Do, Kids, Parenting | , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

No Youth Only Weekend this year

This year I will not be taking my stepson for the Youth Only weekend of deer season. The reason for this is my grandparents, my Dad’s parents, are coming to town that weekend. It’s be almost a year since we have seen each other so the decision has been made to not go hunting. We will be going out to dinner since that weekend also has my Dad and Grandfather’s birthday. My Dad will be 68 and my Grandfather will be 95, we plan to have Crawfish etouffee per my Grandfathers request.

I’ll take my stepson hunting during regular season.

October 20, 2010 Posted by | General, Kids, Parenting | , , , , | Leave a comment

Monday

I’ve been stewing over this one the last couple of days. Monday my stepson’s dad picked him up from school after football practice as is usual. On their ride to our house, my wife and I were not home from work yet, he tells his dad he was hit hard during practice and the coach wants him to get checked out for a possible concussion. His dad has something else he has to do and does not take him straight to the doctor… Am I nuts or should you take you child to the doctor for something like this? What is more important than your child’s well being? About 2 hours later my wife gets home, I get home 30 minutes after her, she tells me what has transpired. She takes him to the Urgent care facility near us and they check him out. Come to find out he might very well have a mild concussion. He is going for a full scan today, performed by his regular doctor, to make sure he is OK. Fortunately his only complaints are a few aches and a head ache; not the nausea, etc… that comes along with a back concussion.

October 20, 2010 Posted by | Concerns, Kids, Parenting | , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Look in my eyes

My stepson was a REAL ass last night to his mother. She went up stairs to make sure he was headed to bed; she found him sitting in the floor with the radio blaring, the TV on, lights on in three rooms. She told him it was time to go to bed and that he did not need to have everything on and loud. He looked at her and said, “look at these eyes, does it look like I care”. I was down stairs and heard this so I went up stairs, since he did not say it to me I was not going to get on him. I did say it was amazing how his poor attitude and disrespect can make everyone miserable in the house. I later told my wife that if he was my flesh and blood I would have put a good whipping to him, taken any number of his electronics away… ANYTHING to make it quite clear that was not acceptable. She was too tired, too beat down I think, to try to fight it. She said she would address it the next day, that’s today. I am of the opinion that things require immediate action for the punishment to really mean anything.

I had trouble falling a sleep last night because I was so pissed off over the shitty actions of the boy. He’s 13, you would think he would have a bit more sense.

He’s not my son, flesh and blood, so I am not going to take him the proverbial wood shed where he needs to go to get a KING SIZE whipping. I will how ever keep my distance and NOT take him hunting with me… Over reaction on my part? Maybe. But I tired of the crap, it makes life around the house tough.

If you want to act like an ass then I will treat you like one.

October 15, 2010 Posted by | Concerns, Kids, Parenting | , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment