Stepdad's Thoughts

My thought and feelings.

One hell of a week…

Last week, Tuesday, wife wife was hospitalized with staph infection the became systemic. The staph made it into her blood stream and really caused some problems, mostly she felt miserable. She was throwing up, feeling dizzy, light headed, etc… I had never seen her like this. Let me back up…

5-April my wife cut her lead, it promptly became infected. She began putting antibiotics on it, but that just didn’t seem to handle the problem. On Friday she went to an Urgent Care facility and was told it was a staph infection. They lanced the boil as it had become, bandaged it and gave her a prescription for antibiotics. On Sunday she still was feeling it was healing right, she went back to the Urgent Care. She was then told the antibiotics weren’t working like they should so she was given another prescription. These new antibiotics had some side effects that concerned her so I stayed home from work on Monday with her just to be safe, she had no problems.

Tuesday she had an appointment with her regular doctor; I stayed home to go with her, it was at 10am. By 8am, after being up for more than an hour, she began to feel bad; dizzy, nauseous, etc… then she started throwing up. The doctors office is only 15 minutes a way and on the drive she throw up more. We got to the doctors office where she promptly went into an exam room and laid down…the doctor came in and looked at the original infection then said the staph had gone into her blood stream and she was going directly to the hospital emergency room.  Luckily it was in the building next door to his office.

It didn’t take long to get into the emergency room, once one of the doctors saw her various antibiotics were ordered and given to her via IV. A couple of hours later she was in a hospital room for a 4 night stay. All the time getting IV fluids and antibiotics at prescribe intervals, every six hours I think is was.

The good news she is doing good now and has gone back to work, she is still on oral antibiotics but doing much better.

I had never seen such a simple injury get bad so quick. I personally have had numerous cuts and wounds and never had this type of problem. I learned that it is quite easy for things to really get bad quick and to keep a close eye on the little cuts. I was really worried about my wife during this but I did all I could to not let her know I was worried so as not to make her too worried. I think it worked and she is doing good now.

April 21, 2011 Posted by | Concerns, General | , , , , , | Leave a comment

It never changes

Yesterday my stepson had homework to complete for school today. He was up by 1030, had breakfast, etc… I told him to leave the TV off and get the work done as his mother told him. As the day went on I realized he had the TV on… Not wanting to make things blow up I ask him if he remembered me telling him to leave the TV off… he did. I asked why it was on but got no answer… I was getting mad now but I kept my cool. I told my wife that there is no way I am going to have any say with her kids when it comes to following the rules/doing what they are told to do. it’s been a while since I have let the crap get to me and I was much better off when I just let it go. I am really tired of it.Hell he was up until 1am doing homework he could have completed much sooner.

Same damn story every day it seems… I really need to learn how to mind my own business and do what I like to do and to hell with everyone else. Oh well it’s not worth going on about… just needed to blow off some steam… no one really gives a s*** if I have an opinion.

February 14, 2011 Posted by | General | , , , , | Leave a comment

My Wife

I love my wife. She some how manages to put up with all the kidding, picking as she calls it, I do. She has a smile that simply lights up the room. She can is always willing to let the waterworks fly when something touching or sad is on TV.

Simply put she is TOPS. I love her!

October 28, 2010 Posted by | General | | Leave a comment

Martial Arts & Football

A couple of days a go my wife had trouble getting my step son to get his shower done. He did what ever he could not to take teh shower… Once he did it was 10pm… He came down to turn the wifi router on which I had turned off because on of the things he was doing was watching videos via his iPod. I took that moment to tell him if he continued to NOT follow his mother directions I would disable wifi access to his iPod and XBox and make sure his Dad and grandparents knew exactly how disrespectful her has been toward his mother.

After he went to his room his mother went upstairs to check on him and tell him goodnight; she found him on his bed quite upset… He didn’t seem to understand why I had become upset with him, she tried to explain that his actions or inaction were the cause. She also found out that he was having trouble with some of the nick-names the kids and coaches at school had tagged him with. Some were OK while others bothered him. he and had a talk about the nick-names some time back and I tried to make him understand for starters they were just word and secondly if he were to joke about them also that they would stop the use of them. But if he continued to let the kids know the names bothered him that they would continue which is what I think happened.

Yesterday my wife told him of our conversation that I thought the martial arts could help him turn the one nick-name about him being slow completely around. During dinner he brought it up and I explained to him that the martial arts, Tae Kwon Do and Hap Ki Do, have explosive techniques. During training you learn to be quicker off the mark and faster. I continued to tell him that at 13 his body would soon start to mature and strengthen and that proper training during that time could help him to improve substantially. I did let him know that it is not a miracle fix, that it would 6 months to a year in order to see real strong results. He said he was interested, so he went with to watch my Hap Ki do work out last night.

Our workout was a moderate to hard workout for the first half, we worked on cardio and strength, the second half was technique, this really got his attention. I was working with a higher belt who was learning knife defense techniques. I was working on punching defense and counter techniques, this also intrigued him. After class we had casual conversation with my instructor who told him about some funny incidents with former students. On our drive home he told me him wanted to join the class. I want him to watch a few more classes and take part in one before he jumps off into it, to be very sure this is what he wants and will stick with it.

On the other side it should help instill a more respectful attitude toward others, especially his mother and father, may be even toward me. The instructors at my school are all Korean and believe very strongly in showing respect toward others and can actually get on the proverbial soapbox at times when talking to the kids about show their parents respect.

We’ll see how the next few days go and hopefully get him in Hap Ki Do.

October 22, 2010 Posted by | Concerns, Hap Ki Do, Kids, Parenting | , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Monday

I’ve been stewing over this one the last couple of days. Monday my stepson’s dad picked him up from school after football practice as is usual. On their ride to our house, my wife and I were not home from work yet, he tells his dad he was hit hard during practice and the coach wants him to get checked out for a possible concussion. His dad has something else he has to do and does not take him straight to the doctor… Am I nuts or should you take you child to the doctor for something like this? What is more important than your child’s well being? About 2 hours later my wife gets home, I get home 30 minutes after her, she tells me what has transpired. She takes him to the Urgent care facility near us and they check him out. Come to find out he might very well have a mild concussion. He is going for a full scan today, performed by his regular doctor, to make sure he is OK. Fortunately his only complaints are a few aches and a head ache; not the nausea, etc… that comes along with a back concussion.

October 20, 2010 Posted by | Concerns, Kids, Parenting | , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Needless Death

On September 12, 2010 a co-worker/friend passed away. This was a needless death all in the name of losing weight. I say needless because he went to Mexico to have a his stomach stapled or something of the type. On the flight back the stitches in his stomach ruptured causing the bacteria and things escape his stomach. This caused a massive infection which he was hospitalized to battle. At a point they thought it was under control then the next thing you hear is the circulation in his legs is dropping and possible gangrene is setting in. He was week because he was also not able to eat due to the original surgery. As it turned out gangrene did set in and both his legs had to amputated. Even after this was done the infection continued to create more problems. His wife and family were with him continuously, his wife is/was pregnant with their third child. As I said, Kevin died on September 12.

His wife gave birth to his daughter on September 14, 2010.

This was a needless death in the name of losing weight. He was quite over weight and loved to eat. I truly believe if he had taken the path of diet and exercise he would still be here today. Yes there are people that have medical issues that will cause weight gain and make it damn near impossible to lose the weight without drastic matters, but he had lost weight the past and I think he could have done it again.  Weight gain/lose is a mindset… You choose which direction you are going. Exercise and diet will make it happen… another co-worker has lost over 40lbs simply by changing her diet and being very strict regardless of what lunch place is chosen.

This is simply a bad thing… His wife will raise three children alone, with the help of family but without a Dad.

September 14, 2010 Posted by | Concerns, General, Parenting | , , , , | Leave a comment

Back to the usual

I’m back in the office after a week working in remote offices performing upgrades and after the Memorial Day weekend.

Once again I was able to open my mouth and prove I am able to create problems in the house. Yard work; I was told by my stepson that he was going to mow the yard on Saturday after he played paintball with his friends which I was fine with. Once he got home he was then too hot and sweaty to do the yard but he would do it in the morning. I too was OK with that but told him he needed to have it done by 1200 since we had planned a visit to my parents house to take them to dinner. By 900am no yard work was being done. So I did it. Once I finished I came in to see my step son sitting in front of the TV eating cereal, it’s just after 1200. He said he was sorry he didn’t get up to do the yard, I responded by telling him I was sadly getting used to him not keeping his word. Later as we were getting ready to go the yard topic came up again… he gave me some reason for not doing the work, I informed him that he always had an excuse for not doing what he said he was going to do. That set off the fireworks. he then decided he was not going to go… his Mom wanted me to apologize so he would go, I refused since I was telling the truth as to what happens. I did apologized for the fact that he was upset by my words but they were true and I would not apologize for them. As I told her he was mad because he was called on his lack following through his inability to keep his word. yeah I know he’s 13 but he should be able to do what he says… what is expected of him. Hell on Monday he asked to use his Mom’s laptop; she told him yes as long as he got dressed for the day. Two hours later he comes down stairs… NOT dressed. I brought it to his and his Mom’s attention. You would have thought I shot someone… I got a load of crap about “sorry I’m not perfect”… WHAT DOES BEING PERFECT HAVE TO DO WITH GETTING DRESSED AS YOUR MOM SAID??!! His mom said nothing to him, I was PISSED OFF. I kept my mouth shut, I realize I expect too much.

Friday night I was informed by my wife that her daughter told her she thinks I don’t like her. I told wife she was close to being correct. I told my wife I did not like the person her daughter was around the house. She is very self-centered, selfish, disrespectful toward her mother. So I headed upstairs to talk with my step-daughter. As I began to talk I started things of as I said to her mother. My stepdaughter seemed to take what I said to heart. I told her she had been; very self-centered, selfish, disrespectful toward her mother. Thus I reacted by keeping my distance from her. I told her I did not want to be around someone that treated their mother so poorly. I also told her that I thought she had good qualities or she wouldn’t have the number of friends that she has. She agreed with me. I let here know I was hurt by hearing her mother talk about how she has been cut out of her daughters life. Prom came and went and her mother was not asked to be involved and when she did try was cut off. That and other things I told her make me not want to be around her.I told her I know I am hard to live with but I see things real simple and have trouble understanding why they, her and her brother, can’t follow my list;

  • Respect you Mother
  • Follow you Mothers rules *simple things like bedtime, do the dishes, etc…*
  • Do what your Mother says or asks

(I quite frankly EXPECT these to be done.)

I think my step-daughter understood what I was saying; later that night before she headed to bed her mom and both got good night hugs and prior to hat she actually sat and talked with us a bit. It was nice to see the change, I hope it continues. Yes there are still issues and one night is not a show that all is solved but it is a move the right direction.

Right now my step-son is on my out list. He was asking me to take him to play paintball, help him and friends start their summer workout, etc… I will not do it. I have my conditions until they are met regularly his mom or dad can deal with him.

June 1, 2010 Posted by | Concerns, Kids, Parenting | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Outsider

I am back in that place where I feel like the outsider in my own house. I’ve written about this before, I just don’t feel that I belong in this house. I see discipline and respect disregarded too much and when I get to the point I’ve had enough it’s too hard and I end up being the bad guy. Last night I had my stepson change the channel to a show I knew his Mom liked to watch. Actually I had him auto-tune it so the TV would change at the proper time. He did it then said he would have to go upstairs, he was watching a show… so as he got up to leave I told him to put it on the desired channel… he them complained that I should do it… I told him he should do it since I was in the kitchen working on dinner and he was standing next to the TV… the bitching from him continued in which I told him to shut up before he got into real trouble.

I was then cross examined by my wife on what I did wrong… I lost it… All I was doing was having a show on the TV that I knew she liked to watch, the boy had been home since 3pm, it was now 7pm, watching TV so I felt it would be OK for her to see a show she liked.

No good deed goes unpunished!!!

I spent the rest of the evening by my self… I just don’t feel lie I belong. I tried to do something not to make anyone mad but to do something little I thought my wife would like. I guess I need to not worry about what others will like and just take care of myself.

May 18, 2010 Posted by | Concerns, General, Kids, Parenting | , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Why?

On May 1 my wife and I bought a pool table and foosball table for our game room, they were delivered on Saturday May 8. We thought it would be something the kids would be able to enjoy with us and their friends. The kids were at their Dad’s house Friday and Saturday and came home on Sunday morning for Mother’s Day. Talk about under excited!!! I figured they would be quite excited to see the tables and want to play right away, instead it was more like Mom and stepdad bought a new dust mop for the house.

After the Mother’s Day dinner and family had gone home and my stepdaughter went to work my stepson and I played pool. After the first game we got my wife in to it also and the three of us played pool. We then played foosball, them against me. We had a good time with verbal jabs and laughter; I won. I want to teach my stepson the proper way to play foosball so he can be the winner against his friends.

It’s hurtful how the kids react to the things their mother does for them. She loves her kids dearly but seems to get knocked down and ignored more than anything. Especially by her daughter(SD) who seems to have become one of the most selfish, self centered, disrespectful people I know. All she sees and thinks about is herself and what she wants regardless of what her mother may want to do for her, need her to do, etc… Hell they can’t even have a civil conversation with out SD getting an attitude as if she is being interrogated.

My wife’s mother came to stay with us over the weekend, she arrived Friday afternoon before 3pm. My stepdaughter decided it was more important to go swimming with friends instead of taking a few minutes to see her Grandmother and Grandfather that she hadn’t seen in 6 months, I believe. It’s little things like this that really make me wonder why I should bother to do anything for her. Her birthday is this week and we have graciously been allowed to take her to dinner tonight, we found out this morning.

At least her son is more caring, he seems to really enjoy being around family and us. Yes he can get into the mode where he is an absolute pain and create problems and be disrespectful, etc… but in the grand scheme of things he enjoys being around family.

It’s so damn frustrating. I just don’t understand it.

May 10, 2010 Posted by | Concerns, General, Kids, Parenting | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Mother’s Day

What are your plans?

We (I) will be cooking dinner for my wife, mother and mother-in-law. I hope the kids will come home to be with their mother on her day. I will be cooking hamburgers and french fries (with corn meal), not sure about desert right now but I am sure something will turn up.

This is one of two days I feel you should show and tell your mother that you love her and appreciate her. (You should this all the time but Mother’s Day and Birthday are the most special to me.) After all she has been a LARGE part of my life. Who else would put up with all the crap and still love you?

May 4, 2010 Posted by | Concerns, General, Kids, Parenting | , , , , , , | Leave a comment