Been a while

It’s been a while since I made an entry. Mostly due to lack of interest and limited time. During the day at work I have managed to stay quite busy then at home I’ve been reading a number of books, all about an apocalyptic world in one form or another. I’ve also been to the doctor a few times trying to figure out why I get winded so easily while doing very low strenuous activities. It has really bothered me, to the point where I have stopped Hapkido and all workout activities. I have been thinking lately of getting back to the workouts but have concerns. The cardiologist ran various tests and found nothing wrong and the testing for asthma was negative. I guess I am confused/concerned as to what is going on.

I wonder if it’s all in my head and I need to quite worrying and get back to the workouts. I have a year, roughly, to reach Black Belt; this is just slowing down my progress. The problem is simple things like walking up the stairs can really wind me, not every time but enough that I am worried and the doctors have found nothing.

I need to make a decision… being out of shape is not a good thing. I have pretty much stopped the cokes and deserts. Now I need to figure out my exercise plan.

Just not up to it….

I’ve not posted lately simply because I am not feeling up to putting all my thoughts online. Lately I have had much self doubt… I’m finding it hard to be motivated to really do much. I’ve had to put on a good face for some family functions but truthfully my heart is not in it. I’ve not been to Hapkido or done any type of exercise. Work is getting done simply because I have been dragged into issues.

I sure wish I new what the problem was.

Old feelings

I’m not sure I have done the right thing by being tough on rules with my step-kids. I say that because I really didn’t/don’t get 100% agreement with my wife, their mother. We’ve been married for almost 6 years and we still seem to see things differently. Kids and rules, discipline, chores, etc… are things we did not discuss before getting married, and looking back we really should have. I am hard lined while my wife is more lenient.

I simply expect the rules to be followed, I can see forgetting or simply ignoring sometimes but when it becomes a regular thing I have a real problem. The typical answer in the afternoon, “I was tired” just doesn’t fly with me when their mother has told them to put the dishes up when they get home then do homework… three hours later neither is done. Then there is the pretty regular lying about things, primarily homework or the lack of or it’s all done, really bothers me. It bothers me to the point I don’t want to be there at times. We went through this with my stepdaughter now with my stepson, my step daughter is away at college now.

Respect; neither of the kids seem to be able to respect their mother. She tells them to do things and they just do their own thing; I see this as disrespect toward their mother. I don’t have respect from them and I have given up even worrying about ever getting it. I do get very angry at the lack of respect given to their mother and many times have made situations worse.

At 18 and 14 years old I would have thought they might show more regular obedience and respect toward their mother than they do.

Maybe the whole problem is me and this is kids just being kids. I simply don’t know. I know I was not like this toward my parents; I never had kids so I could be so far of base it is unreal. All I know is it all bothers me. I started writing to help me release the pent up feelings but lately I’ve been afraid to write for lack of the words to put down how I feel. I’m still not sure I have put down the right words now; I just felt like putting something down.

I guess I’ll continue playing with our dog and working at learning Hapkido, at least I have an idea of where I stand there.

Christmas Shopping

Why is it that I am waiting to the last few days, OK 10 days, to get my wife a Christmas present? I have in my head what I want to get her I just need to get off my but and get into the stores to get it. Yeah I could shop online but that just doesn’t seem right, it’s not the way it used to be done. It’s just not personal to me. I am going to get off work a little early and get what I have in mind for her…

I have my Dad’s gift and some for my stepson… What to get my Mom, sister and niece is a mystery right now.

Look in my eyes

My stepson was a REAL ass last night to his mother. She went up stairs to make sure he was headed to bed; she found him sitting in the floor with the radio blaring, the TV on, lights on in three rooms. She told him it was time to go to bed and that he did not need to have everything on and loud. He looked at her and said, “look at these eyes, does it look like I care”. I was down stairs and heard this so I went up stairs, since he did not say it to me I was not going to get on him. I did say it was amazing how his poor attitude and disrespect can make everyone miserable in the house. I later told my wife that if he was my flesh and blood I would have put a good whipping to him, taken any number of his electronics away… ANYTHING to make it quite clear that was not acceptable. She was too tired, too beat down I think, to try to fight it. She said she would address it the next day, that’s today. I am of the opinion that things require immediate action for the punishment to really mean anything.

I had trouble falling a sleep last night because I was so pissed off over the shitty actions of the boy. He’s 13, you would think he would have a bit more sense.

He’s not my son, flesh and blood, so I am not going to take him the proverbial wood shed where he needs to go to get a KING SIZE whipping. I will how ever keep my distance and NOT take him hunting with me… Over reaction on my part? Maybe. But I tired of the crap, it makes life around the house tough.

If you want to act like an ass then I will treat you like one.

Deer Lease

Last weekend I spent Friday night at my deer lease. The plan was to build a new firepit and cut some trails to my stands. The trails were needed since I have a new camp location and would be used for slow still hunting. I got up early on Sat. morning and worked on the fire pit, the heat from Friday night returned quite early. Once the pit was finished I found that the timber company we lease from had marked a harvesting area which covers all my stands, I have three. This made the trail idea a waste of time until I know exactly what they are going to do and when.

Tomorrow, 18-Sept, is our club meeting and I am hoping to get information on the cutting plans. I really hate the cutting, clear cutting especially which is what I am sure they will do. I am wondering if I am going to have to move my stands or if they will cut around them.

I guess I’ll know more tomorrow afternoon.

Random Thoughts

It’s lunch time and I thought I would put down the various random thoughts I have.

Tomorrow is Sept. 11, 2010; the 9 year anniversary or memorial of the attacks by radical Muslims on the USA and its’ people. I believe for many that the attacks are just a distant memory, the solidarity that was created by the attacks has now left many Americans. I personally still feel the same sorrow for those lost now that I did then. I have come to love my country and its people more since that day. I worry more about the direction the government is taking us and feel lost as to what action I can take to correct the course.

We continue to hear the USA needs to be tolerant of others ie Muslims and their beliefs. What about ours?!!! Is there no taking into account that people were killed 9 years ago for some fucked up religious war the Muslims have laid on us. Yes, the USA has military in many places some I am sure we don’t need to be it but they are fighting others with guns. We are not randomly lining up civilians and killing them. Part of me wants the “EYE FOR AN EYE” justice to kick in so we, the USA, can kick ass.

Move the mosque! In the USA we have freedom of religion; that means the government will not and does not mandate a religion the people must follow. That’s a big part of why our ancestors came to America to begin with. I’ve heard there are some 200 mosques in New York already, don’t build one at ‘Ground Zero’. Move it several blocks away and all will be fine. The muslims scream for the Americans to be respectful and tolerant of their beliefs, where’s the respect from them toward us. This is America, if you don’t like it GET THE HELL OUT!

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I’ve been trying to take my blog entries and convert them into a MS Word document, making a book of sorts. I have toyed with the idea of giving it to my wife and step kids, thinking that the might read it. I started writing for that very reason, I am positive they have not seen any of what I have written with the exception of one or two entries, the poems. Now I think it would simply be too big for them to be able to read due to lack of attention and in some cases lack of caring. I am pretty sure my wife would read it and would switch between being angry, sad, hurt, upset, etc… as she read what I’ve felt over the last year.

I have taken time to look over the entries and I see FAILURE. Failure on my part of being able to change enough to form much of a relationship with my step kids. I am too tough on following the rules and respecting your parents to make it work. I really have just given up. I am focusing more on my Hapkido and playing with our dog, at least I know where I stand on those. Hunting season starts in November, I am starting to focus on prep for that also.

Time to go; Work is calling.

Blue Belt

On Friday Aug-13 I received my Blue belt. It came with a good level of pain because I tore my right calf muscles on Thursday during practice. I was able to complete the skills tests yet on a much slower and light fashion than originally planned. Acquiring my Blue belt has strengthen my resolve to continue on the Black but I am getting concerned if my body is willing. I have had a few injuries since I started in Oct-2009, I am going to need to stretch more and not push quite as hard during practice.

I have not been able to workout since I hurt my leg, I have even missed work in order to tend to the injury.

I have been to Chiropractor, sports Medicine and Acupuncturist in hopes of finding the best method to help me heal quickly. All have told one thing in common…TIME. I hope I will be able to return to my workouts next week, light most likely but at least getting started.

I am looking forward to learning more… at a slightly slow pace though.

Hap Ki Do – working on Blue

I think I will be able to test for my Blue Belt in the next few weeks… We have not been told a test is coming but the pre-testing has ramped up which is SOP when testing is close. I am close to being ready; I need to work on the Traditional form, it is a combination of the new movements plus the Green belt movements. The releases are coming together good so I am not too worried about them and the kicking is all good.

I should work harder on the various spin kicks since the next couple of belts focus there. It’s real said but once in my life I was able to do the spin kicks with little effort but now, after no workouts for years, they are a real source of angst. The injuries to my left leg don’t offer any comfort either, I am always concerned about causing finale damage to it that will halt my efforts.

Tues/Wed/Thurs are coming and I will be able to get the needed fine tuning I need from my instructors. I sure do long for the memory and physical abilities of my twenties.

Independence Day

We had a quiet Independence Day and weekend. Friday and Saturday consisted of house work and yard work and remembering what our Founding Fathers had in mind for the USA. I can only guess that they would be both proud and appalled at where we are now. The USA has managed to accomplish many great things in its short life. At some point over the years it has also managed to lose its direction. We as a nation seem to be caught up in the worry of hurting someones feelings or thinking we have to be nice. It makes me sick to hear all the PC talk. We have the First Amendment that guarantees me and you the right to say anything. It also guarantees both of us the Right to be offended by what the other says. Yes there are laws against libel and slander but we can clearly express our opinion and not have to worry about hurting someones “feelings”.

If we did not have the origin we have our views would be quite different.  Our internal drive to be the best, to right the wrongs we see, etc… would not be as it is now. Unfortunately the world has changed its view of the America. Too many nations see us as the bad guy, even our colleges are teaching kids that the USA INVADED countries such as Iraq, Korea, Vietnam, etc… All very much lies… We went in to right a wrong!! Invade means to take over by military force and to conquer. The USA has not done that, we get in, try to help the people and get out.

Who does the WORLD call on when a disaster occurs? Yep, the United States of America.

Be proud of where you live, The United States of America. This is the best place on earth.